It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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