I can text with my tongue
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
