and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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