It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
