My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
