We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
