How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
