i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
