Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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