All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
