At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
COCAINE IS GR8
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize