your parents love me but you hate me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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