god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize