You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want nice things and good sex
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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