I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
