Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
