Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
