Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
