Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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