dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
