For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
