i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
