Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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