i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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