Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
