I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
