i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We're too hungover to prance.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
