btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
