Cold hands, warm shart.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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