I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
