hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
