I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
