just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
