When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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