so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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