im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
