Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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