He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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