I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
