apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
