If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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