just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
