Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
