Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
