i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize