i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
