You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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