oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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