We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
