when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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