Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
