I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
