Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
