I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
