in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Randomize
