i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
