I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
