I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
