i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
