I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
