Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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