the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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