There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
