drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
