I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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