i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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