I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Text me some of your sweat
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
