"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
