kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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