Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
