My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
