Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
