I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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