And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
