When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
