Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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